btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
