Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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