at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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