She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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