If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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