I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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