I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
