My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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