I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
