You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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