i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
