Your face is a jimmy john
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
