He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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