I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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