Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
