Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
