I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
