Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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