It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
