i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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