So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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