I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
