I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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