Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im holly from the hills drunk
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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