these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
