she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
