I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
