do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
