is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
