Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
