She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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