paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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