Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
