I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
