that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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