Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize