I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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