I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
