Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
