hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
