Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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