am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
