white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
