Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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