it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
