I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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