I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize