some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
