I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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