I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
