Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
