I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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