i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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