Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
