The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
