whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you made out with another girl for some wings
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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