question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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