Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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