i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
