Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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