I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
