Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
