Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
